i’m going to rant now because I haven’t in a while and I’m almost positive I’m going insane.

Everybody has been in love at some point. And at some point, you’ve lost that person. You’ve cried. You’ve cursed the winds and missed them with everything you had in you. And then, after months of healing you sit there and wonder why you’re so lonely. And all the people you get close to, hurt you. Every time you meet somebody new, something’s wrong with them or yourself or the timing and it just doesn’t work.

I would like to know how the hell I got to the point where I am completely unable to trust anybody. It’s literally been holding me back from doing what I want.

Like those moments when I should have kissed you instead of looking away.

Or those times when I should have told you how I felt, instead of rambling on about useless things.

And we should have been together, we really should have. Everybody told us that. But you’re broken, and I’m broken, and as much as I thought two broken people could re-invent a brand new, whole self, I was wrong.

It’s like I can’t be honest with myself and I hate it. I’m just so, so scared. Absolutely terrified. And I need to get the fuck over it, I know I do.

But I don’t know how to do that.

so here we are.

And I’m still lonely. And I’m still frustrated. And I’m really not getting anywhere. Just like you.

i always leave my blinds open. because,

sometimes, I wake up to a family of cardinals

feasting on the berries outside my window.

Or I catch a glimpse of a bat chasing fireflies

on a late summer evening.

A battle between a Golden-Eyed tree frog and a fluttering moth.

Moments that I never would have witnessed

had my blinds been shut.